still searching for my happy place

My latest Facebook status:

Dear Moron fr across the street: If it wasn’t bad enough that you rang the doorbell at 8:30pm interrupting bath/bedtime, but, honestly, what f***ing planet are you on to ask, “Um. Can I talk to the owner of the house?” Did the half-Asian boys next to me yelling, “Mommy, mommy. Who’s that?” not clue you in? And, f**k no! You can’t come in to see what the landscapers are doing in the back. Stupid ass, moron!!!!

Sometimes, I wish I could just be this frank with people in person. I’m still stunned from this evening’s encounter with my new neighbour. The hubby is out-of-town and I only have the blogosphere (and Facebook) to rant to so here goes.

Yes, it began as I said above. The doorbell rang. My boys were shouting “Mommy, mommy. Who’s that?” as I opened the door. A short man in his late 30s-40s stood there. Who knows? Maybe he was even 50 something. I can’t tell how old morons are these days.

The moron stood there looking at me and the boys.

“Um. Can I talk to the owner of the house?”
“Pardon me?” I asked in disbelief.
“Are the owners of the house in?”
[OMG. The moron actually repeated his question.]
“I AM the owner of the house.”
“Oh, I was just wondering what’s going on?”
[Construction equipment is scattered on the front lawn and landscapers are finishing up in the back.]
“You mean with the construction?”
“Are you from the neighbourhood?”
“Yes, I live just across the street,” he said pointing.
“What’s your name?”
“Well, Moron. We’re just doing some work in the back.”
[Awkward silence]
“Well, I’m just about to give the boys a bath …”
“Yeah, I was just wondering what’s going on with all this.”
“We’re just redoing the backyard.”
[Another awkward silence. I’m eyeing the panic button on my security system. Beginning to think this guy is nuts.]
“Do you have a complaint?”
“No, not at all. I’m just wondering what’s going on.”
“We’re redoing the WHOLE backyard.”
“Can I have a look?” he said making a motion to enter the house.
“No! I’m just about to start bath for the boys. Maybe, you can come back on the weekend [when my husband is home, dirtbag]. During the day.”

I don’t remember what else was said. I may have been in too much of a hurry to lock the door and put the security system back on.

Crazy, stupid ass, moron!

  1. Okay, I’m kinda used to meddling neighbor’s asking questions that aren’t any of their business, BUT this guy wanted to come INSIDE!?!?!! ‘Moron’ is putting it kindly!

  2. That’s too funny! I wish we had neighbors to bother us, instead, some brainiac thought having door-to-door salesman solicit our area was a much better idea. Did he ever come back??

  1. April 26th, 2010

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