baby on board

“Baby On Board!”

Seeing this sign attached to the back of cars always makes me smile. I’m, of course, laughing at myself and not anyone else.
“Baby On Board!”
As if seeing me driving a mini isn’t telling enough. No. Not the cute little Mr. Bean variety Mini. I’m talking about the big mass of steel on four wheels, equipped with child-friendly sliding passenger doors, the ever-telling pull-down video screens, and hatchback storage large enough for a double-stroller and our horde of kiddie gear.
Me in my mini … more popularly known as the minivan … is a sure sign that I am indeed toting around offspring.
Minus one child ago, the GoodMan and I opted for a much cooler SUV to transport our first-born and his baby gear. Soon, Baby #2 arrived and then grandma came to visit which left me trying to squeeze my 30-lbs-overweight entirety in between two car seats. Not an easy or flattering task!
And so the mini was picked and bought. Later, the “Baby On Board” sign was attached. A redundant addition, in retrospect.
If driving a minivan wasn’t enough to let others know that I have toddlers on board, my driving habits surely will. Yep, that’s me. In the van still stopped at the light even after it turned green because:
A) I’m trying to retrieve a dropped toy that one of my boys cannot possibly live without, not a single second longer. Or,
B) I’m too busy reassuring my first-born that his name is in fact “Little Dude” and not “mommy” or “monkey” or “nannor” or other made-up names that his younger brother is calling him with a big-ass cheeky grin splashed across his face.
Ever wondered who the idiot is locking her van, making that annoying “beep-beep” sound indicating that it IS locked, five times in a row! That’s me, too. Sleep-deprivation withstanding, the act of navigating two kids who are not yet 4 and all their kiddie gear across a busy parking lot and finally arriving safely at the mall entrance has left my brain unable to remember nada. Nothing. Kaput. Including whether I locked the van or not. So I click my remote several times because I can’t actually hear the horn go “beep-beep” from that distance. And then I click it a couple of more times for good measure because the thought of retracing my steps so I can hear the reassuring “beep-beep” sound is unthinkable given the hardships endured getting to the store entrance already.
The “Baby On Board!” sign fell off the back of the van soon after it was attached. Its current whereabouts are unknown but I’m certain everyone already knows: I AM carrying babes on board.
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